✨ Fender (2013-2022) and Opal (2012-2021) ✨
im getting so pissed thinking about how the beginning of season 2 is like "down" where walt won't give jesse any of their money when jesse is literally completely homeless and had all of his stuff stolen and insults him instead of doing anything to help him. and then the end of season 2 is "ABQ" where walt is trying to get jesse out of the shooting gallery and calling him "son" and holding him as he sobs and taking him to rehab. it's so conditional. it's all so superficial. walt only gives him that love and concern out of guilt, because even he can clearly see how jesse's pain is his fault, and he gets to play the hero, the Loving Father, despite causing all of this anguish. when jesse was homeless and in need, that was purely jesse's fault. walt didn't have to care then. but when walt needs to soothe his conscience, he'll offer the attention and affection and help that jesse so desperately needs and wants from walt. and jesse doesn't know this, he doesn't understand what motivates walt's sudden spurts of concern and kindness, so he's left to try and puzzle out what he can do to keep that love. when he suffers and walt turns away, jesse believes that it's his fault, that he's done something wrong and isn't worthy of love. the unpredictable way that walt dispenses attention is what keeps jesse coming back, because there's the chance that he'll Do The Right Thing and get that reward of love, he just has to figure out what it is, he just has to figure out how to be good enough.
